They Stop Sharing Things With You

Emotional intimacy is a driving force in a healthy marriage. The desire to share the ongoings of their day or even trivial anecdotes is a common occurrence when partners are actively engaged in their marriage. If regular sharing begins to fade or stops entirely, there is likely an issue taking place. This could be resentment, frustration, or potential infidelity. 

If your partner is taking part in a new relationship outside of the marriage, they may be sharing their daily ongoings with this person instead. If you notice that your spouse is no longer interested in discussing topics they were once excited to converse with you about, it could be a sign that they are cheating.

They Seem Distant Or Withdrawn

Another sign that your spouse may be cheating on you is if they begin to show signs of distancing themselves. This can come in the form of either physical or emotional distance from you. Staying at work later, lack of interest in physical affection, or disinterest in conversation are all signs of a distant spouse. It’s essential to look for other signs as well, such as unexplained absences from home and uncharacteristic behavior.

They’ve Started To Dress Differently Or Pay More Attention To Their Appearance

You may have noticed your spouse ditching the old sweatpants for a more fitted pair, or spending extra time in front of the mirror. If this is happening, it could be that they’re trying to impress someone other than you. Especially if the marriage is no longer new and behavior patterns are established, this kind of change can be reason for alarm. 

Although it is entirely possible that your spouse is attempting to put in more effort for a reason other than this, it is one sign that is commonly experienced in cases of infidelity.  However, it’s also possible that they’re investing in their appearance because they are craving increased attention from you. This could lead back to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, which are equally concerning issues that need to be addressed. 

They’ve Started Working Out More Often

If you see your partner making a sudden effort to go to the gym more often, it could be cause for concern. Although it may be purely for increased health, a sudden desire to work out regularly, especially in the evening, is a potential sign of infidelity. In most cases, this is likely a positive change that is fueled by a desire to be healthier. In situations like this, it is important to trust your gut and look into the change should it feel off. Especially if the gym sessions are lengthy or run late often, it could be an issue that deserves an inquiry.

Your Intimacy Is Decreasing

Intimacy is an important part of a marriage and increases feelings of connection, empathy, and passion. If you constantly avoid being intimate with your spouse, it’s ideal to confront this head-on. One way to do this is to initiate a conversation between the two of you or with your therapist. 

In many cases, intimacy will decrease for a variety of non-concerning reasons. For example, you may have been too busy at work or were exhausted from taking care of kids that week. Either way, setting aside the time to be alone can help relieve some of the anxiety that comes with this decrease in affection. If you notice that intimacy is decreasing and attempt to make a change with resistance from your spouse, this is a definite cause for concern. The best way to approach the situation is to have a conversation and attempt to rule out any possible chance of infidelity.

They Get Defensive Easily

If your partner is experiencing a guilty conscience, they may try to deflect the conversation away from themselves. A common way to do this is by asking questions in response to your questions. They might also try to change the subject when you bring up their suspicious behavior. 

If your partner is cheating on you and is trying to divert attention from themself, they may start pointing fingers at other people as a way of deflecting responsibility for their own actions. Placing blame on others is a telltale sign that something is not right. Even if cheating is not taking place, the lack of accountability is likely to lead to a host of other issues later on. If you attempt to ask questions and are greeted with a wall of defense, seeking therapy could be a beneficial way to confront the issue.

Your Own Feelings Are Off

While this sign is a bit more subjective, it’s still important to pay attention to your own emotional state. If you start feeling anxious or depressed and don’t know why it could be a sign that something isn’t right in your relationship. That being said, there are many other reasons aside from infidelity that can cause these feelings. If you do notice an internal shift, take some time to think about what might be causing the change and consider communicating with your therapist or a loved one regarding the matter.

If your spouse hasn’t been as affectionate with you lately, then this may be because they are having an affair. Aside from this, they may simply be unhappy in the relationship. If this is the case, then it might be time for both of you to sit down and have a conversation about what needs to change in order for both of your needs to be met.

They Have Openly Admitted To Cheating In The Past

If your spouse has candidly discussed prior cheating in relationships, it is an indicator that they may repeat the behavior. In fact, those that have engaged in infidelity before are three times more likely to repeat the behavior in future relationships. Even if a significant amount of time has passed, it is important to be vigilant if your spouse demonstrates signs of the behavior. 

Your Spouse Starts Canceling Plans Regularly

If your spouse starts canceling plans and making excuses for why they can’t spend time with you, it may be a sign that they are being disloyal. They may use a relatively believable excuse like the need to work late. Although this excuse seems credible, it’s worth following up on or looking into further should it become a regular occurrence.

Your Spouse Is Secretive About Their Phone or Computer

Spouses who cheat typically communicate in some form with the person they are cheating with.  Cell phones and computers are the most common method of communicating.  If your spouse tries to hide their phone from you or tries to use their phone or computer in a secretive manner, this could be a sign of infidelity.  

You Spouse Has Unexplained Expenses

If you notice credit card receipts for restaurants, hotels, flowers, or other unusual expenses, it could be a sign that your spouse is spending money on someone other than you.  

If you’re seeing any of these warning signs in your relationship, it’s important to talk with your spouse. This is an opportunity for them to open up and be honest with you as well as a time for you to communicate your feelings or concerns. You may not like what they have to say, but at least then you’ll know where both of your heads are at so that, hopefully, things can move forward in a healthy way for both parties involved.

Therapy Can Help!

If you are struggling with relationship issues or other mental health or substance abuse issues, therapy can help.  To learn more about couples therapy, family therapy, or individual therapy, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit our website at www.mhthrive.com.  You can also find more intensive treatment options at New Dimensions Day Treatment Centers at www.nddtreatment.com. 

References

• Knopp K, Scott S, Ritchie L, Rhoades GK, Markman HJ, Stanley SM. Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater? Serial Infidelity Across Subsequent Relationships. Arch Sex Behav. 2017 Nov;46(8):2301-2311. doi: 10.1007/s10508-017-1018-1. Epub 2017 Aug 7. PMID: 28785917; PMCID: PMC5709195.
• Lișman CG, Holman AC. Cheating under the Circumstances in Marital Relationships: The Development and Examination of the Propensity towards Infidelity Scale. Social Sciences. 2021; 10(10):392. https://doi.org/10.3390/socsci10100392
• Russell VM, Baker LR, McNulty JK. Attachment insecurity and infidelity in marriage: do studies of dating relationships really inform us about marriage? J Fam Psychol. 2013 Apr;27(2):242-51. doi: 10.1037/a0032118. PMID: 23544923; PMCID: PMC3648986.

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Identify what you need for closure.

Finding the closure you need may be difficult to do on your own. In some cases, it’s a matter of asking for help from the other person. 

So, how do you know if you need closure? It all depends on how much time has passed since your breakup and how open-ended it was in the first place. If your breakup was abrupt or happened under ambiguous circumstances, then it’s likely that some additional information is needed before full closure can be reached. 

If the other party is unwilling to communicate or provide you with closure, there are some ways by which you can achieve this yourself. Reaching out to a mental health professional can be beneficial for helping you understand what may have gone wrong in the relationship. 

Identifying your own unhealthy behavior patterns can be enlightening, healing, and valuable. Additionally, reflecting on the relationship and seeking to understand what may have contributed to the breakup can help you reveal some of the issues that led to the breakup.

Understand that there’s no universal timeline for moving on.

For some people, moving on from a relationship can take just a few days; for others, the process could take months or even years. There is no right or wrong way to move on from a relationship, and there’s no universal timeline for it either. 

It is crucial that you understand your own process and be patient with yourself as you move through this next phase of your life. Ask yourself questions like: What do I need? What are my goals? How much time do I want to spend focused on healing and working through my feelings? 

Realize that your feelings are valid.

You may be feeling a wide range of emotions after a breakup. You might be angry and resentful, or you might be sad and depressed. Some people might even feel guilty about how the relationship ended, or just not want to admit that it’s over at all. 

The truth is that there are many ways in which we can experience loss, and every feeling is valid. The best thing you can do is to make space for yourself by allowing yourself to feel all of your feelings without trying to suppress or ignore them. In fact, talking through your feelings is one of the best ways for those feelings to dissipate naturally on their own.

Be patient with yourself through the process.

Rushing into a new relationship or jumping back into dating too soon can be counterproductive, as you might end up transferring your feelings for an ex onto someone else. 

Your healing process may not look like anyone else’s; there’s no need to compare yourself to others who might seem to recover more quickly than you do. It can be easy to feel frustrated if sadness does not dissipate as quickly as you would like. 

For many, there will be periods in which you feel better, and then a memory will trigger another episode of sadness. This is a normal and healthy response. Healing is not linear and can not be expected to improve in a precise manner. Being patient with yourself as you navigate these ups and downs is essential.

Don’t worry about finding someone new.

In short, don’t worry about looking for a new person to date and fall in love with soon after you begin moving on from your past relationship. Instead, focus on yourself and what you need to do to fully move forward after your breakup. 

Many people jump into new relationships shortly after a breakup in an attempt to mask their pain. Ultimately, this is unfair to your next partner and ends up doing more harm than good. By evading your feelings, you are prolonging the experience. Unattended feelings have a way of popping up again until they are properly addressed. By refraining from dating until you have fully healed, you can be a better partner for your next relationship and ensure that it starts off with a healthier foundation.

Let go of what you can’t control.

It’s important to remember that you can’t control what your ex does or how other people feel about you. You also can’t control how other people treat you and what they think of you or say about you. The only thing in your control is how you choose to react to these things. 

In the case of long-term relationships, many family members and friends can become invested in the relationship. This can make maintaining certain friendships difficult, especially if they were the friends of your ex-partner originally. Should these friends choose to let go of your friendship, it is important to remember that this is not something you can control. In many cases, this is better for your healing process in the long run. 

Additionally, if others have strong opinions about how your relationship ended, it is wise to distance yourself from these people as you are already navigating your own feelings on the situation. Setting healthy boundaries with others is essential to your healing.

Remember who you were before the relationship.

A common issue people experience following a breakup is an identity crisis. The self-concept of a person can be a struggle to grasp once a relationship has ended. Especially for long term relationships, your identity may become tied to the other person. You develop interests and hobbies together, establish routines, and become accustomed to factoring another person into every decision you make. Without the relationship, an identity crisis may occur. 

It is vital to remind yourself of who you were before the relationship began. What were your prior interests? What makes you happy as an individual? From there, you can begin rebuilding your own identity, without the link to your ex-partner.

Moving on from a relationship takes time, but you can get through it if you’re patient and take care of yourself.

Remember, moving on takes time. The best way to get over someone is to take care of yourself. It’s okay if you’re sad, angry, or confused—that’s simply part of the process. Don’t force yourself through those emotions; let them come naturally as you allow yourself time to heal from your breakup. Leaning on loved ones or a mental health professional can make a dramatic difference in your healing journey and can remind you of all that you have to be grateful for following a breakup.

Therapy Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post How To Move On From A Relationship appeared first on MH Thrive.

You might wonder if midlife is so secure and stable, how come people experience a midlife crisis? How could a period of calm induce a crisis? You might even be afraid that your spouse might be going through a midlife crisis. To help you figure this out, we first need to dissect this idea of midlife crisis.  

What is a Midlife Crisis?

In early adulthood, we are usually focused on what we must aim to achieve in the next 5 years. We routinely ask ourselves “Where do I see myself in the next 5 years?”

In midlife, the gears turn, and we have to reckon with our own mortality. We see old age approaching and think “How can I make the best of the healthy years I have left ahead of me?”. For most people, this is a difficult question to answer, because it feels like there is so much we want to do but now there is a looming deadline. We look both forward and back. We start recalibrating our long-held beliefs, and our fundamental assumptions and reinterpret our past experiences with new insights. We may start restructuring our identity and reorienting our behavior.

Causes of Midlife Crisis

Our identity is constructed through our status within our society and our relationship with others that surround us. We have certain roles to play, and these roles structure our anticipations and plans for the future. We have a mental calendar through which we judge whether life events and transitions are “on time”. A rupture occurs in our identity if we unexpectedly lose a role that we play or an important event occurs that we didn’t anticipate. This may be subtle, such as gaining weight, losing some of our vitality, developing age-related illnesses, and witnessing signs of aging such as wrinkles on our skin, or gray hair. 

There are deeper changes occurring as well: 

• Our job may not have turned out to be as rewarding or fulfilling as we had imagined. We may be facing career uncertainties as our employers downsize our structure. A change in the career or even the pace of the career – whether it becomes more demanding and challenging or becomes easier with less involvement and power – can make us feel ambushed and unprepared. 
• Our children may have left for college, and as they gain autonomy and become independent, we may find the loss of our role as a parent difficult to cope with. Since parenting is a demanding and involving job, parents tend to feel lonely and without direction, once the children move out. 
• Understanding our own mortality is also an emotionally taxing experience and it can be difficult to grapple with the fear of our demise.  
• Loss of a loved one, a divorce, or the disability our parents might experience due to old age can all exacerbate the feeling of disorientation and induce a kind of existential panic. These events can severely drain our emotional resources and can lead to grief that is hard to overcome. 

If your spouse has recently experienced any of these above events, they may be going through a midlife crisis. While these events can help map the contours of the crisis, there are also certain symptoms associated with a midlife crisis that you can look for. 

Symptoms of Midlife Crisis

• Decline in life satisfaction: A midlife crisis can make life feel inadequate. It can make one feel like the best years are behind you, and that growing older implies boredom. While this might not be factually true, if your spouse is going through a crisis they may perceive it to be so.
• Feelings of purposelessness: They may also be feeling that life has no purpose and that there is no clear direction ahead. It can manifest as a desire to quit the job or shut down the business, or as anxiety about the future and constant worrying. 
• Unwarranted self-doubt: Your spouse might be fraught with doubt even if they are excelling in their profession. They may start questioning their decisions, including decisions they took in the past. They might be obsessing over what life might have looked like if they had done this or that differently. 
• Dissatisfaction with relationships: The crisis can lead to emotional turmoil and the person may start isolating themselves. They may become less involved in family affairs, neglect their responsibilities, and in some cases, they may even start resenting their spouse and seek other potential partners. If your spouse has become distant for no apparent reason, it could be because they are experiencing a midlife crisis.
• Unusual concern about appearance: Midlife is a transition to old age. It is also a transition to more maturity, but for some people, it can feel like a loss of attractiveness. If someone’s self-esteem is tied to their good looks or how others perceive them, this phase may make them feel insecure. In such cases, people start obsessing over every little physical detail that they think is a sign of being “old”. This can manifest in many ways — plucking gray hair, spending too much time on grooming, suddenly buying a gym membership, or getting cosmetic treatments done.
• Persistent restlessness or fatigue: Excessive introspection or rumination can take a toll on one’s psyche. Anxiety about the future can make the person restless in their quest to find a direction or resolve their psychological discomfort. It could also deplete their energy and cause unusual fatigue that is not related to any health issues. As a result, they may feel overwhelmed with lethargy and have trouble performing their routine tasks.
• Dip in motivation: The crisis can lead a person to adopt a pessimistic outlook on life. As a result, they may lose interest in activities they used to enjoy. They may give up their hobbies and abandon their personal and professional ambitions. A drop in passion can lead them to turn down opportunities they had been eagerly awaiting for a long time. They may even repeatedly question the meaning of life and ponder other existential questions.
• Decline in sexual desire: The distress caused by the crisis can also strain the intimacy between a couple. Your spouse may turn down your initiations of physical intimacy, or they might seem uninterested during sex. They may also lose their romantic bent and not express their love and affection as often as they used to. 

How Can You Help?

If your spouse is going through a midlife crisis, you do not have to watch helplessly as they struggle. Actively supporting them through this difficult phase could play a key role in how they resolve their inner conflict. You can be their ally in many ways: 

• Listen without judgment: If your partner shares their distress with you, you should listen to them with an open mind and without judgment. You should provide them with reassurance and comfort and let them know that they can discuss anything with you. Initially, it may be a good idea to let them share their thoughts and worries without confronting them or offering them advice.  
• Discuss getting professional help: A midlife crisis can raise difficult questions and throw the mind into disarray. Your partner may be feeling lost and not know where to start. Therapy can help alleviate the distress and formulate a plan to tackle all the important questions in a strategic manner. A mental health professional can provide a safe space for honest discourse, allowing your partner to assess the situation in a calm and thoughtful way. Therapy can turn a midlife crisis into a midlife transition. 
• Share useful resources: Encourage your loved one to do things that they enjoy, and it may also be helpful for them to keep a journal where they record their thoughts and feelings. Remind them of the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead and encourage them to embrace new interests and experiences. Midlife can be a time of profound change, and your partner may want to adopt a lifestyle that is healthier – both mentally and physically. Empower their good choices and tread with them on their path to self-discovery. 

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post Is Your Spouse Having a Midlife Crisis? appeared first on MH Thrive.

The Challenges of Divorce

When this new reality is fully acknowledged and the rays of hope start to dim, the grief over the loss of the relationship and the anxiety about the uncertain future takes hold. Divorces are difficult not only because of the emotional anguish they cause, but also because they force you to reckon with the myriad changes that your life will undergo throughout, and even after, the divorce. This sudden whirlwind of chaos and dysfunction is extremely disorienting, even if the divorce itself may have been amicable. The drawn-out process of divorce – splitting up assets and personal belongings, terminating joint contracts, relocating, and finding work – piles up exhaustion on a mind that is already drained from all the emotional turmoil. 

Even after the legal and practical matters are taken care of, there still remains a new life to adjust to. Without a spouse, all the couple-related activities are gone; friends are forced to pick sides, and some just decide to leave; family members of the spouse that were previously very close may choose to withdraw because of the awkwardness. The ambiguity about what remains of the social network after the divorce can be deeply unsettling, causing a profound sense of loneliness, rejection, and embitterment. 

The future may seem bleak, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. The pain you may be feeling cannot be denied, but this juncture in life also affords you an opportunity for change. You can use the autonomy to enrich your social life with new friends, pick up new hobbies or work-related skills, develop greater awareness of yourself, and do things that lead to personal growth. Change feels daunting, but moving on requires you to embrace it, chisel away the negativity, and architect a happier, richer future for yourself. 

Allow yourself to mourn

The breakdown of a marriage is a devastating experience. In order to heal, you must allow yourself to feel despair, anger, wretchedness, and all the other harrowing emotions. Hasting to move on will, in fact, keep you trapped in the darkness. You might feel overwhelmed initially, but the pain will ease over time. Process your emotions bit by bit and take your time. 

Seek support from loved ones

There will be times when you feel the need to vent your anger or find a shoulder to cry on. Close friends and family can be indispensable resources – they can listen to you with empathy, offer you emotional and practical support, and even help with day-to-day tasks. Remember that you do not have to deal with your struggles alone. 

Prioritize yourself

Divorce can shake your sense of identity and make you question if you’re the same person post-divorce. You can leverage this to build a new identity that is more aligned with your needs, desires, and preferences than your ex’s. This is a good time to evaluate your needs and goals, carve out a new routine, and establish new plans that will boost your personal growth. 

Take care of your health

When sadness comes knocking at your door, it is easy to give in and turn to alcohol or drugs to escape the heartache. Tempting as it may be, this is not a solution. To better process your emotions, you need to eat healthily, get enough sleep, and exercise. Good health will further boost your self-esteem and provide you the mental bandwidth to assess your situation objectively and approach life with optimism. 

Seek out new friends

After a divorce, it is not uncommon for mutual friends to pick one partner over the other. Some of your friendships might have broken, and the best way to fill that void is to find new friends. Socializing may seem tiring, but there are ways to get to know new people easily. You could choose to volunteer for a cause, take a class in an activity you enjoy, or simply invite a colleague to coffee. Socializing will help you beat loneliness and gain you some kind and interesting friends. 

Pick up new hobbies

When you’re married, your hobbies and interests can blend into your spouse’s. And you may have given up certain activities you enjoyed because your spouse disapproved of them or found them boring. Now that you have complete freedom to try out new things, you can cultivate hobbies and interests that make you happy. It can be something simple like cooking, something adventurous like rock climbing, or any creative avenue like painting, writing or even reading. Anything that promotes a sense of renewal and allows you to have fun and relax is a good choice. 

Travel to someplace new

The divorce process is extremely taxing, and getting used to the novelty of life after divorce can be tough. To take a break from the relentless stresses and upheavals the divorce causes, you could take a trip to someplace you always wanted to visit; even a short trip to a nearby city will do. You can go solo and unwind or invite your friends for a fun trip. Some distance from all the familiar places can also spark introspection along with the excitement of discovering a new place. 

Shed your old identity

When we’re in a relationship, we mold a certain identity that is integrated with our partners. Being single again can make us question who we are. After the divorce, you have the opportunity to cultivate your individual identity and nurture your unique attributes. The ideal way forward is to rediscover what makes you happy, what you excel at, and what you want your life to mean. This will propel you to do more of what you value and envision a future that makes you proud of yourself. 

Give romance another shot

Once you feel free of the clutches of your past relationship and reach a state of acceptance and emotional stability, it might be a good idea to explore the dating landscape again. You need not look for deep and intense relationships right off the bat, nor would it be wise. But a thoughtful and caring companion can lift up your spirits and revive your hope in romantic relationships. 

While our past experiences invariably shape us and govern our behavior in the future, we have it within us to let go of negative experiences, learn from our past mistakes, and approach the future with wisdom and hope. 

Seeking Professional Help

Divorce is an unbearably difficult experience to go through, and the transition to life after divorce can be extremely intimidating. If you are experiencing deep and pervasive grief, anger, or feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or hopelessness, a mental health professional could help you learn how to process and cope with difficult emotions. A therapist can provide compassionate guidance and a safe space for you to express your worries and anxieties without being judged. Therapy can help you process your emotions in a constructive way. The mental health professional can also gauge if you could benefit from medication and refer you to a psychiatrist if required.

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post How to Build a Life After Divorce appeared first on MH Thrive.

Research has shown that the majority of divorced couples never attempted marriage therapy. When asked for their reasoning, most were quoted as saying that it was simply too late. Reaching out to a non-biased, professionally trained therapist can often be the difference between progressing in your marriage and staying stagnant or even divorcing. It can be difficult to know when it is time to seek marriage therapy officially. Though the answer to this may vary slightly from couple to couple, there are seven research-backed challenges that will likely need outside guidance to solve. 

Circling Back To The Same Issue

One of the most prevalent marital issues couples experience is the regurgitation of prior fights that simply do not seem to go away. Whether it’s days, weeks, or months, the underlying problems continue to be brought up in various ways without a solution. It can feel like you are both completely gridlocked on the issue. This can be a result of past trauma in a prior relationship, childhood, or even experiences within the current relationship.  

If you have tried a variety of different ways to handle the issue, it may be time for a professional to step in. Problem-solving processes are unique to individual people, and, as a result, they do not always align with others. This can create a much larger issue if it is not confronted and strategically solved. A licensed marriage counselor can guide you to a place of mutual understanding and can help you develop solutions that work for you both.  

Perceived Lack Of Support

Often, couples may feel that their spouse is not providing them with the support they need. When this happens, over an extended period of time, resentment can begin to build up. This can lead to explosive fights over smaller-scale issues and can create an unhealthy environment, which is especially damaging if children are involved.  

Feeling supported is an essential aspect of a healthy marriage. Even if you feel that you are providing sufficient support, your spouse may not feel the same. Some couples have difficulties approaching topics such as this for a variety of reasons. Past experiences can have a significant influence on the way that people communicate. Fortunately, marriage counselors are specialized in teaching effective communication skills. Even if it feels unnatural at first, with practice, communicating your needs can become dramatically easier. 

Daily Fighting

Regardless of the severity, daily fighting can be draining for mental and physical health. In most cases, arguing causes a spike in cortisol that has negative impacts on overall well-being. If this is occurring on a daily basis, the toll on health can be great.  

Additionally, if there are children residing in the home, they will be impacted by unhealthy and negative forms of communication. In adults that grew up in a dysfunctional household, constant chaos is their baseline, and they may subconsciously bring their old dysfunctional patterns into their current relationship.   

The inability to resolve conflicts can destroy a relationship. Seeking counseling is imperative if this is the case in your marriage. You and your partner will need to work towards creating calm and productive communication habits rather than being explosive and counterproductive.  

Unfaithful Behavior

Experiencing infidelity within a marriage can have lasting impacts that influence every aspect of the relationship. Recovering from the broken trust can be extremely challenging, especially for those that have been deceived in the past by parents or other trusted adults. The implications for the spouse on the receiving end of the infidelity range from increased stress and anxiety to low confidence and depression.  

Spouses begin to question their own self-worth, which can have draining effects on their partners. The newly developed need for reassurance is not a healthy result of the action and is another important aspect to solve. A professional can help you heal from the pain that comes from infidelity. A therapist can also help you understand the causes of infidelity and help you develop healthy ways of creating intimacy. Many marriages are able to be repaired following unfaithful behavior, but professional intervention is often vital for continued success. 

Lack Of Intimacy

Intimacy within a marriage is an important aspect that can be dramatically undervalued. Partners that report high levels of intimacy exhibit significant levels of comfort around their spouse, clear communication, and physical connection. A study done on couples that were approaching the point of divorce showed that increasing their frequency of intimacy increased their marital satisfaction overall.  

Intimacy can occur on many levels, including emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Some of the ways that spouses can increase intimacy include, holding hands, hugging, resolving conflicts, spending meaningful time together, and having vulnerable conversations. The true definition of intimacy refers to the closeness between spouses. This increase has been shown to create a stronger bond between partners and increase relationship resiliency overall. 

Ideological Differences

If significant topics are not discussed prior to getting married, they are likely to pop up later down the line. When this happens, the realization that you are not on the same page can be incredibly stressful. In some cases, viewpoints may have started out in line with one another and shifted as time progressed. This can cause friction as well, especially for those that are resistant to change.  

Important topics like child-rearing, finances, religion, and politics have the ability to damage a marriage significantly. Disagreements can turn into regular fighting that dissolves the bond necessary for a healthy, flourishing marriage. In a highly functioning marriage, spouses report feeling like they are on the same team. When large-scale topics are not agreed upon, it can be difficult to achieve this feeling. 

Counseling can guide you as you attempt to compromise or accept each other’s differences in a positive way. Not seeing eye to eye is difficult, but it is fixable with proper interventions. 

Repeated Lying Is Occurring

Deceit in any form can cause a rift in a marriage. Repeated deceit presents even greater challenges that will likely require professional help to solve. When one partner is lied to, they may begin to question everything in the relationship. This can turn into resentment, jealousy, anger, and a feeling of betrayal.  

Ultimately, a healthy relationship should feel safe and secure. This is vital for the mental health and well-being of both spouses. While trust takes time and effort to be rebuilt, it is possible when the correct steps are taken. A counselor can help you process the deceitful experience and guide you as you begin to form a trusted bond once more. 

Seeking marriage counseling is a wise choice for couples experiencing any of the above challenges. If you feel that your relationship is suffering in some capacity, it is important to reach out for professional help. While solving problems together is the goal, it may take intentional work with a counselor to get to that point. Ultimately, it is never too early to begin marriage counseling, so don’t wait until it is too late. 

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post When is it Time to Seek Marriage Counseling?  appeared first on MH Thrive.

Some of the most common issues that contribute to marriages failing are: 

Inability to Resolve Conflicts

One of the most common reasons that marriages fail is the inability of the couple to successfully resolve conflicts.  Unresolved conflicts build up over time and create a wall of resentment.  Instead of listening and trying to understand to each other, each person gets dug into their side of the argument.  As a result, the couple often finds themselves in the same argument they have been in a thousand times before.  When the argument ends, each person often feels completely misunderstood and further convinced that they are right and thus justified in their anger. As a result, the walls just get higher and higher.  It is hard to have intimacy with someone who is completely walled off from you. 

Poor Communication Skills

It is hard to resolve conflicts without effective communication strategies.  Many people think that if they yell louder or push their points more forcefully that it will finally get through to their spouse.  Instead, it often does the opposite.  Imagine someone unexpectedly banging on your front door.  Do you rush to open it, or do you lock the door to ensure that an intruder doesn’t get it?  If we feel attacked or unsafe, we tend to pull back to protect ourselves.  Yelling at each other never makes anyone feel safer and more open to each other.  Alternatively, some couples tend to fight in silence.  The angrier they get the more they withdraw and withhold.  Both of these communication strategies can begin to create the conditions for a failed marriage. 

Infidelity

Infidelity and affairs can obviously lead to the demise of a relationship.  However, what most couples don’t realize is that many affairs are the result of a lack of emotional intimacy within the marriage.  When a person begins to feel completely alone and disconnected from their spouse, they often start to think that they don’t have anything left to lose.  An affair becomes a short step when the friendship, communication, and loving connection in the marriage has deteriorated.  As a result, affairs are often the symptom of the underlying problems in the relationship.  However, there are some instances where affairs occur for other reasons, such as sexual addiction, sexual identity issues, or a general lack of commitment to the marriage.   

Mistrust

Sometimes mistrust occurs because of baggage from old relationships or from family of origin issues.  If you feel like everyone always leaves you, then it often feels appropriate to believe that your current partner will also leave you.  The thought often becomes, “How do you trust someone when you couldn’t even trust your own parents?”, or “My last spouse cheated on me and so I know that you will too.”  Unfortunately, this general mistrust can end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The mistrust and accusations can begin to create resentments, which can lead your partner to emotionally withdraw from the relationship.  The more that they withdraw, the more that you feel justified in your mistrust, which leads to more withdrawal.  

Alcoholism and Substance Abuse

Alcohol and drug abuse can have a profound impact on a marriage.  It is hard to feel emotionally intimate with someone who is drunk or high all of the time.  In fact, it is not uncommon to feel like your spouse is having an affair (with alcohol or drugs) when they are active in their addiction. Suppose feels like they would rather spend time with the alcohol than spend time with you.  It becomes very difficult to create or maintain emotional intimacy because the alcoholic or addict tends to spend increasing amounts of time either using, recovering from their use, or preparing for the subsequent use.  Obviously, this can create a great deal of anger and resentment which can further erode the connection to the marriage.  

Other Addictions

Gambling addictions, porn addictions, and sexual addictions can also destroy the trust within a marriage.  Addicts tend to lie in order to cover up their behavior and protect their access to continuing the behavior.  The more they lie and the more unreliable they become, the more it erodes the emotional bonds within the marriage.  If left untreated, addictions can lead to the demise of even the strongest marriages. 

Unresolved Issues from the past

Unresolved trauma, grief, betrayals, abuse, abandonment, or other issues from the past can create barriers to emotional intimacy.  The more painful the past, the more potential it has to impact your current relationships.  Small arguments can become huge arguments because the feelings from the past can get mixed in with current feelings during an argument.  It can become difficult to resolve arguments when you don’t know why the feelings are so intense.  Fortunately, therapy can help you deal with the baggage from the past so that it doesn’t invade your current marriage. 

Finances

The inability to successfully navigate financial issues can create significant problems within a marriage.  Money represents a lot of things to people.  For example, for some people, money represents security, while for others it represents freedom.  Since couples typically have a limited amount of money, they have to learn to communicate effectively about money.  The fewer couples agree about finances the more stress it tends to place on the marriage.   

Inability to manage anger

Everyone gets angry sometimes, especially in relationships.  However, if anger is expressed in unhealthy ways, it can begin to destroy a marriage.  The more a person feels attacked, threatened, or hurt, the more they tend to withdraw in order to protect themselves.  On the other hand, some people who feel attacked, simply attack back.  This tends to create an ever-increasing amount of intense volatile arguments.  The more volatile the arguments become, the more it puts the marriage at risk. 

Disagreements about parenting

A lot of conflicts can get created when couples disagree about the best way to parent children.  These disagreements can lead to long-term resentments which can escalate over time, especially when children become teenagers.  Kids often feel the tension between their parents and then tend to act out in ways that heighten the tension.  The greater the tension, the more stress that it puts on the marriage.   

Blended family issues

Blended families experience unique stressors.  Some of these stressors include changing expectations, conflicts with ex-spouses, unclear rules about how non-biological children get parented, struggles to blend finances, new rules about chores and responsibilities, and how to create time to be a couple.  If not successfully resolved, these stressors can make it difficult to maintain emotional intimacy. 

Extended family issues

Extended families can create a lot of stress on a marriage.  For example, historical expectations about how holidays are spent can lead to conflicts.  What do you do if your spouse wants one thing, and your family of origin expects something else?  In addition, what if your spouse and your family don’t like each other?  Just because you love your spouse, doesn’t mean your family will feel the same way.  This can obviously create a lot of tension in the marriage and if not successfully managed can lead to problems within the marriage. 

Conflicts about sex

Arguments about sex are not unusual in a relationship.  How these arguments get resolved matters.  If left unresolved, arguments about sex can lead to resentment and feelings of being unloved and unwanted.  

Abuse

Physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse can all threaten a marriage.  If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important to get help.  Healthy relationships don’t’ tolerate abuse.  So, don’t learn to tolerate the intolerable.   

Marriage Therapy Can Help!

If your marriage is struggling, marriage therapy can help.  As a couple, you can acquire the skills to resolve conflicts and communicate effectively.

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post Why Do Marriages Fail? appeared first on MH Thrive.