Raising kids can be extremely rewarding.\u00a0 It can also be frustrating and exhausting.\u00a0 While they can bring indescribable joy to your life, kids can also test your patience and your ability to manage them.\u00a0 Unfortunately, kids aren\u2019t born with a \u201chow to parent me\u201d instruction manual.\u00a0 As a result, parents are often left wondering how to best parent their kids, especially during times of stress or crisis.\u00a0 Fortunately, there are proven strategies that can help make parenting easier and more effective.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A Kid\u2019s Job is to Test the Limits<\/span><\/h6>\n

First, it is helpful to understand that a kid\u2019s job is to test the limits.\u00a0 Testing limits is how kids learn about the world around them.\u00a0 For example, a young child may open cabinet doors and begin to pull pots and pans from the cabinets.\u00a0 As they empty the cabinets, they are exploring the boundaries of their environment and learn what happens next.\u00a0 A teenager, on the other hand, may test the limits by staying out past curfew.\u00a0 In both examples, they are testing the limits of their environment and \u201clearning\u201d what the responses will be to their behavior.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A Parent\u2019s Job is to Set\u00a0<\/span>Limits<\/span><\/h6>\n

Second, it is also helpful to understand that a parent\u2019s job is to set limits.\u00a0 Setting limits is how kids learn to work within the world.\u00a0 If a parent doesn\u2019t set limits, then their kids tend to keep pushing the boundaries until some form of consequence occurs.\u00a0 For example, the child who empties the cabinets may begin to explore the cabinets that hold household cleaners.\u00a0 Obviously, if limits are not set, then the child could inadvertently consume toxic chemicals.\u00a0 The teenager who stays out past curfew, on the other hand, may begin to stay out all night and start using alcohol or drugs.\u00a0 Without limits, both the child and the teenager, thus, may begin to engage in risky behaviors.\u00a0 As a result, by setting limits, parents are helping their kids learn to function appropriately in the world around them.\u00a0 Without limits, kids tend to become more out of control and begin to feel unsafe.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As a parent, once you accept the basic rules of the game, you no longer have to get upset when your kids test the limits.\u00a0 They are just doing their job.\u00a0 As a parent, you also no longer have to feel guilty when you set the limits because you are just doing your job.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Steps to Create Effective Rules and Consequences<\/span><\/h6>\n

As parents, we never get to choose which limits our kids test, we only get to choose how we respond to them.\u00a0 As a result, it is helpful to have a basic understanding of how to effectively set limits.\u00a0 Listed below are some basic rules for effective parenting.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n
• Develop Predictable Rules and Consequences \u2013 It is important to create rules that are predictable.\u00a0 If kids don\u2019t know what the rules are, how are they supposed to follow them?\u00a0 The rules and the consequences for breaking those rules need to be predictable for all involved.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
• Develop Consistent Rules and Consequences \u2013 Once the rules and consequences are created, they need to be consistently followed.\u00a0 If the rules are always changing, then kids learn to ignore the rules and will begin to lose respect for what you say as a parent.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
• Create Natural Consequences \u2013 Natural consequences are the best tool to help your kids learn from their mistakes.\u00a0 Create targeted consequences that fit the behavior and your kid will begin to make better decisions.<\/span><\/li>\n
• Create Enforceable Rules \u2013 It is important to create rules that you are able and willing to enforce.\u00a0 Assume that your child or teenager will test whatever rule you create.\u00a0 If you aren\u2019t willing or able to enforce it, you are simply teaching your kid to ignore you.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
• Create Rules That Teach Rather Than Punish – Effective rules teach kids things that help prepare them for life.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get overly invested in rules that mirror what you \u201chad to do when you were a kid.\u201d\u00a0 Instead, ask yourself, \u201cWhat am I trying to teach my child, and what is the best way to teach them today?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
• Get Buy-In from Everyone – It is much easier to get children and teenagers to follow the rules when they feel like they had a role in creating them.\u00a0 When children and adolescents participate in creating the rules and defining the consequences, they are more likely to feel like the rules are fair and equitable.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

  \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

  Use Consequences Instead of Yelling<\/span><\/h6>\n

  A common mistake that parents make is that they try to \u201csave\u201d their kids from the consequences of their behavior.\u00a0 Instead of giving the consequences, they only threaten to give the consequences.\u00a0 Unfortunately, kids often ignore these threats which leads to increasing frustration for the parents.\u00a0 As the frustration rises, many parents resort to \u201cyelling\u201d at their kids until they comply.\u00a0 Over time many kids begin to ignore the yelling which only leads to more yelling.\u00a0 A much better strategy is to replace the yelling with consequences.\u00a0 If you allow your child to experience the consequences of their behavior, they will learn much more quickly and the mood of the home will be happier.<\/span><\/p>\n

  \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

  A Toolbox for Parents<\/span><\/h6>\n

  \n
  • Be Purposeful About the Rules – In order to help your child develop the tools they need to thrive as an adult, it is important to create an environment that teaches skills, responsibilities, respect, and values.\u00a0 To accomplish this, it is helpful to ask yourself the following questions: <\/span>What is the purpose of this rule? <\/span>What do I hope that my child will learn? <\/span>Are there better ways to teach my child the same thing? <\/span>Given our family dynamics, schedules, personalities, etc., will the rule get enforced or will it get dropped when things get hard?<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Act Don\u2019t React – Be thoughtful and purposeful about your actions.\u00a0 If your child or teenager is testing the limits, take some time to think through the issues and develop a plan of action that matches your goals for them.<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Cool Off If Needed – If things get heated, cool off rather than letting the situation escalate or get out of control.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Choose Your Battles Wisely – The older kids get the less power you have to make them do what you want.\u00a0 Rather than battling over everything, focus on those areas that are most important.<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Be Selective About When You Give Consequences – Remember that you get to choose when you give consequences.\u00a0 If your teenager refuses to give you their cell phone, you don\u2019t have to physically take it from them.\u00a0 You can always turn off the service later or add additional consequences if needed.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Be a Role Model – Show your child how you want them to act.\u00a0 If you yell at them, you are simply teaching them to yell back.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Be Respectful – If you want your child to be respectful to you, show them how by being respectful to them.<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Be a Parent, Not a Friend – Your kid doesn\u2019t need you to be their friend. They need you to guide them and help them prepare to be an adult.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  • Be Involved – One of the ways to show your child that you love them is to be interested and involved in their life.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Parenting Teenagers<\/span><\/h5>\n

    Teenagers create unique parenting challenges.\u00a0 As they transition from childhood toward adulthood, they begin to test the boundaries around them in new ways.\u00a0 During this time, teenagers begin to separate from their families and begin the process of defining who they are as a person.\u00a0 Their friendships become increasingly important and they often begin to resist parental guidance.\u00a0 They also frequently seek approval from their peers as they try to be \u201cdifferent\u201d from their parents.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Teenagers want independence, but still want parents to be available.\u00a0 It is almost as though teens want parents to be \u201con call\u201d just in case they need you.\u00a0 Teenagers also want freedom, but still depend on their parents.\u00a0 Many teens begin to feel like they \u201cdon\u2019t need\u201d their parents, yet in the same breath can ask you for money to buy new clothes.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

    Parenting Strategies for Raising Teenagers\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/h6>\n

    Listed below are some useful strategies that can help you navigate the teenage years.<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
    • Set limits that match their age and maturity. – Rules that made sense when a kid was 12 may no longer fit when a kid turns 17.\u00a0 Teens need more freedom, but they also should have corresponding responsibilities.\u00a0 The more responsible they are, the more freedom they should have.<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Always move in the direction of treating your teen as a young adult. – Remember that one of your primary jobs as a parent is to teach your teen to become self-sufficient.\u00a0 If you do everything for them or don\u2019t allow them to make their own mistakes, they will be unprepared to live independently.<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Give your teen opportunities to make their own decisions. – Encourage your teen to make their own decisions.\u00a0 This doesn\u2019t mean that you give them free rein to make any decision they want.\u00a0 Instead, give them choices and let them decide for themselves.\u00a0 It will help them develop self-confidence and learn to make better decisions in the future.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Let them learn from natural consequences. – Don\u2019t try to overprotect your teen from the consequences of their behavior.\u00a0 Instead of rescuing them, let them learn from their mistakes. Natural consequences are the best teacher.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Be aware of who your teenager is hanging out with. – Remember that peers are a huge influence on your teenager.\u00a0 You can\u2019t choose your teen\u2019s friends, but you can limit how much access they have to them.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Trust but verify. – It is easier to trust your teen if you know that they are where they said they would be and doing what they said they would do.<\/span><\/li>\n
    • Look for teachable moments – Your teen is going to make mistakes.\u00a0 When they do, use those mistakes as opportunities to teach them and help them grow.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

       <\/p>\n

      We Can Help!<\/h5>\n

      MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at\u00a0713-477-0333<\/a>\u00a0or visit\u00a0www.mhthrive.com<\/a>\u00a0to learn more.<\/p>\n

      If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues,\u00a0New Dimensions<\/a>\u00a0can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at\u00a01-800-685-9796<\/a>.<\/p>\n

      Online Treatment Programs<\/a>\u00a0provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home. \u00a0If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help. \u00a0To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at\u00a01-800-685-9796<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Raising kids can be extremely rewarding.\u00a0 It can also be frustrating and exhausting.\u00a0 While they can bring indescribable joy to your life, kids can also test your patience and your ability to manage them.\u00a0 Unfortunately, kids aren\u2019t born with a \u201chow to parent me\u201d instruction manual.\u00a0 As a result, parents are often left wondering how […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":674,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[27,19],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n