Why Do Some Young Adults Lack Motivation?

There are quite a few different reasons as to why some young adults might lack intrinsic motivation. The safety net provided by the family environment can inadvertently breed a sense of complacency for some. Shielded from the immediate responsibilities of bills, rent, and other adult obligations, some adults may struggle to develop a sense of urgency or the drive to pursue goals. The comfort and support offered at home can inadvertently become a double-edged sword, impeding the development of the resilience and self-reliance necessary for personal growth.

On top of this, societal expectations and the pressure to conform to a certain path can overwhelm and paralyze young people. If they lack certainty in terms of a career or their future in general, they might feel frozen and are unmotivated to take the next step, as they aren’t confident in what that looks like.

Finally, social media platforms showcase curated versions of success, perpetuating unrealistic expectations and making personal achievements seem overwhelming. This heightened pressure can contribute to a lack of motivation to break free from the comfort zone.

Steps To Take

1. Communicate

Create a safe space for your child to express themselves without fear of judgment or backlash, especially if they aren’t sure of what their next steps are in life. Regularly engage in conversations about their aspirations and interests. Actively listening and showing genuine interest can help parents learn more about their child’s motivations and help guide them more effectively.

2. Set Goals Together

Collaboratively setting goals empowers young adults and provides them with a sense of purpose and guidance. Discuss short-term and long-term objectives, breaking them down into manageable steps that keep the young adult from feeling overwhelmed. By involving your young adult in the goal-setting process, you encourage autonomy and accountability.

3. Gently Encourage Pursuit of Passions

Motivation often stems from pursuing one’s passions. Encourage your young adult to explore and identify their interests, whether they be academic, artistic, athletic, or entrepreneurial. Provide opportunities for them to engage in activities aligned with these passions, fostering a sense of purpose and fulfillment. When individuals are passionate about what they do, they are more likely to be motivated and committed to their endeavors.

4. Provide Support, Not Pressure

While it’s natural for parents to want the best for their children, applying excessive pressure can lead to stress and demotivation. Instead, offer support by being understanding, patient, and empathetic. Recognize that everyone progresses at their own pace, and success is achieved through a combination of effort and experience. Create an environment where failure is viewed as an opportunity for growth rather than a setback.

5. Teach Financial Responsibility

Young adults living at home can benefit from learning financial responsibility so that when they are on their own, they are confident in their knowledge. Educate them about budgeting, saving, and the importance of financial planning. Encourage part-time employment or internships to instill a strong work ethic and financial independence. This not only provides practical skills but also fosters a sense of responsibility and self-reliance, key elements in building motivation.

6. Foster Independence Gradually

Gradually entrust them with responsibilities, both at home and in decision-making processes. This could involve managing their schedules, handling personal finances, or taking the lead on specific projects. By empowering them to make choices and learn from their experiences, parents contribute to the development of self-motivated and independent individuals.

7. Celebrate Achievements

Acknowledging and celebrating achievements, no matter how small, reinforces positive behavior and motivation. Whether it’s a good grade, completion of a project, or reaching a personal milestone, take the time to recognize and celebrate these accomplishments. Positive reinforcement builds confidence and encourages a continued commitment to personal growth.

8. Promote a Healthy Work-Life Balance

Balancing academic or professional pursuits with leisure and self-care is essential for maintaining motivation and overall well-being. Encourage your young adult to establish a healthy work-life balance, emphasizing the importance of relaxation, hobbies, and social connections. Understanding the significance of downtime contributes to increased productivity and a more sustained motivation to achieve long-term goals.

9. Provide Mentorship

Share your own experiences, successes, and failures, imparting valuable lessons learned along the way. Introduce them to mentors in their areas of interest who can provide guidance and support. Having role models and mentors can inspire young adults to set ambitious goals and persevere in the face of challenges.

Final Thoughts

If your young adult is lacking motivation, you can effectively help them get back on track by using the above strategies. It is normal for some people to feel overwhelmed and fearful when it comes to their future. Being present and offering to help them through this tough period can help keep them on track and motivate them to put in the effort needed to succeed.

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Keywords: Young adults; motivation; living at home; resilience

References: Copp JE, Giordano PC, Longmore MA, Manning WD. LIVING WITH PARENTS AND EMERGING ADULTS’ DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS. J Fam Issues. 2017 Nov;38(16):2254-2276. doi: 10.1177/0192513X15617797. Epub 2015 Nov 24. PMID: 29051680; PMCID: PMC5642303.

The post How to Motivate Young Adults That Live at Home appeared first on MH Thrive.

Smoking weed as a teenager can have harmful repercussions such as impaired driving, impulsive decision-making, and an increased risk of addiction. It has also been shown to lower both cognitive function and IQ. For these reasons, it is vitally important to learn if your teen is actively smoking and to be able to understand the warning signs. 

Below are some of the most common indicators of marijuana use and the most effective ways to detect if this is occurring in your teen.

Behavioral Changes

One of the first signs to look out for in your teenager is a shift in behavior. Although mood swings can be common in teenagers due to hormones or stressors, a dramatic shift in behavior is a red flag. 

Some of the most common behavioral changes exhibited by teenagers that are actively smoking weed are increased sneakiness, deceptive actions, lack of interest in a conversation, avoiding eye contact, and increased laziness. These changes are not only a cause for concern themselves but can lead to more severe changes as your teen ages. Specifically, regular smoking during adolescence has been linked to increased psychosis, anxiety, and depression once adulthood is reached. 

Another behavior change that can be a sign of marijuana use is a drop in grades or attendance in school. Losing cognitive ability and motivation can have a dramatic effect on a teen’s success rate in school. Especially if their grades are dropping significantly, it is vital to discuss the possible reasoning for this with them. Regular use of marijuana in middle and high school is linked to an increased early school dropout rate. This behavior could be one of the first of many detrimental changes that affect the future success of your child.

Anxiousness and Irritability

Especially for those that do not commonly experience anxiousness or irritability, this can be a telltale sign of marijuana use. Smoking weed can increase anxiety dramatically, so it can also be a sign in an already anxious child. Panic attacks, rapid heart rate, hyperventilation, and a lack of concentration are all common indicators of marijuana-induced anxiety. 

It also negatively affects sleep, which can cause insomnia or increased irritability due to a lack of proper rest. Sleep is essential for a developing body, and these effects can be extremely harmful to your rapidly growing teenager. 

Irritability can also occur as a result of increased paranoia. Marijuana has the ability to create a level of paranoia that keeps them on a constant edge. This can be draining, exhausting, and overwhelming. Being able to pick up on increased levels of irritability or stress can alert you to your teen’s marijuana use quickly. 

Physical Signs

The physical signs of marijuana use are typically very obvious. Teenagers can be incredibly resourceful, especially when attempting to hide this behavior to avoid conflict. In many cases, they will try to cover up these signs by using things like mouthwash, eye drops, and cologne or perfume. 

Their eyes will typically be bloodshot, and their breath will be pungent or have an earthy smell. Clothing will often have an odor to it as well as the vehicle they drive. If you notice your teen taking extra care of their appearance and hygiene out of nowhere, this could be a possible explanation for such a change. 

Another physical sign that points to smoking weed is delayed reaction time, either mentally or physically. If your teen begins to both think and move slower, it is very likely a result of smoking. Both muscle coordination and cognitive processing abilities are inhibited when high. If they are slow to respond to questions, move at a decreased pace, or often stall when attempting to speak, it is a good idea to discuss this with them.

Changes in Friend Groups

A shift or change in the friends your teen is spending time with is another way to pick up on possible marijuana use. It is common that picking up a habit such as smoking weed creates a rift in friendships with those who are not interested in such an activity. For this reason, your teen may stop spending time with long-standing friends and begin spending time with a new group of people that do partake in the activity. A loss of friends or mentioning new names that you have not heard before can be a simple way to determine if this kind of change is occurring. 

Although friendships can often change during the teen years, a rapid change is a reason to inquire further. Taking the time to ask questions or meet these new friends can help gauge the accuracy of this potential red flag. Most often, if there are actively smoking peers within their friend group, they are at higher risk of also engaging in the activity. Also, having a conversation with your teen regarding peer pressure can be a helpful way for them to understand that they can say no. Even if this behavior isn’t something they are currently engaged in, the likelihood that they will be offered at some point in their adolescence is high.

Vaping and Edibles

The emergence of alternative ways to consume marijuana has made detecting marijuana use even more challenging for parents. Vapes are a new and incredibly trendy tool for teenage smoking. Though it is also used for nicotine, vapes are often used for smoking different forms of weed. In some cases, it can also make the smell harder to detect. If you notice your teen with a vape pen, it is essential to ask them about it. Nicotine is incredibly damaging to the growing body as well, so regardless of the intended use of the pen, it is a cause for concern. 

Edibles are another sneaky way for teens to engage in marijuana use. Again, this form makes it more challenging to detect. Because of the new and innovative ways in which marijuana can be condensed, most foods have the ability to be an edible. It can be made into a form such as butter as well as wax or even a liquid form that can be put in drinks. Most often, they will come in the form of a dessert such as a brownie, candy, cookie, or rice krispie treat. Even so, there are plenty of other food items that could contain the drug. 

If your teen is hiding any kind of food in their room, it is a good idea to inspect it thoroughly. Looking out for physical and behavioral changes are two of the most effective ways to determine whether or not your teen is using these two methods of consumption.

Being aware of these frequent telltale signs can help you intervene quickly and effectively should your teen be actively smoking weed. Honest conversations can open the door for your teen to share the ongoings of their personal life, and as a result, you can educate them on the impacts of the decision to smoke weed and stop the damage from occurring before it becomes potentially irreversible. Knowing what is going on in your teen’s life is not only crucial for their well-being and safety but for their future as well.

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

References

• Gobbi G, Atkin T, Zytynski T, et al. Association of Cannabis Use in Adolescence and Risk of Depression, Anxiety, and Suicidality in Young Adulthood: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis. JAMA Psychiatry. 2019;76(4):426–434. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2018.4500
• Hadland SE, Harris SK. Youth marijuana use: state of the science for the practicing clinician. Curr Opin Pediatr. 2014 Aug;26(4):420-7. doi: 10.1097/MOP.0000000000000114. PMID: 24914878; PMCID: PMC4138809.
• ​​Pacheco-Colón I, Ramirez AR, Gonzalez R. Effects of Adolescent Cannabis Use on Motivation and Depression: A Systematic Review. Curr Addict Rep. 2019 Dec;6(4):532-546. doi: 10.1007/s40429-019-00274-y. Epub 2019 Aug 29. PMID: 34079688; PMCID: PMC8168938.
• Swan M, Schwartz S, Berg B, Walker D, Stephens R, Roffman R. The Teen Marijuana Check-Up: An In-School Protocol for Eliciting Voluntary Self-Assessment of Marijuana Use. J Soc Work Pract Addict. 2008 Jul;8(3):284-302. doi: 10.1080/15332560802223305. PMID: 19122796; PMCID: PMC2613344.

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A Kid’s Job is to Test the Limits

First, it is helpful to understand that a kid’s job is to test the limits.  Testing limits is how kids learn about the world around them.  For example, a young child may open cabinet doors and begin to pull pots and pans from the cabinets.  As they empty the cabinets, they are exploring the boundaries of their environment and learn what happens next.  A teenager, on the other hand, may test the limits by staying out past curfew.  In both examples, they are testing the limits of their environment and “learning” what the responses will be to their behavior.    

A Parent’s Job is to Set Limits

Second, it is also helpful to understand that a parent’s job is to set limits.  Setting limits is how kids learn to work within the world.  If a parent doesn’t set limits, then their kids tend to keep pushing the boundaries until some form of consequence occurs.  For example, the child who empties the cabinets may begin to explore the cabinets that hold household cleaners.  Obviously, if limits are not set, then the child could inadvertently consume toxic chemicals.  The teenager who stays out past curfew, on the other hand, may begin to stay out all night and start using alcohol or drugs.  Without limits, both the child and the teenager, thus, may begin to engage in risky behaviors.  As a result, by setting limits, parents are helping their kids learn to function appropriately in the world around them.  Without limits, kids tend to become more out of control and begin to feel unsafe.  

As a parent, once you accept the basic rules of the game, you no longer have to get upset when your kids test the limits.  They are just doing their job.  As a parent, you also no longer have to feel guilty when you set the limits because you are just doing your job.  

Steps to Create Effective Rules and Consequences

As parents, we never get to choose which limits our kids test, we only get to choose how we respond to them.  As a result, it is helpful to have a basic understanding of how to effectively set limits.  Listed below are some basic rules for effective parenting.  

• Develop Predictable Rules and Consequences – It is important to create rules that are predictable.  If kids don’t know what the rules are, how are they supposed to follow them?  The rules and the consequences for breaking those rules need to be predictable for all involved.  
• Develop Consistent Rules and Consequences – Once the rules and consequences are created, they need to be consistently followed.  If the rules are always changing, then kids learn to ignore the rules and will begin to lose respect for what you say as a parent. 
• Create Natural Consequences – Natural consequences are the best tool to help your kids learn from their mistakes.  Create targeted consequences that fit the behavior and your kid will begin to make better decisions.
• Create Enforceable Rules – It is important to create rules that you are able and willing to enforce.  Assume that your child or teenager will test whatever rule you create.  If you aren’t willing or able to enforce it, you are simply teaching your kid to ignore you.  
• Create Rules That Teach Rather Than Punish – Effective rules teach kids things that help prepare them for life.  Don’t get overly invested in rules that mirror what you “had to do when you were a kid.”  Instead, ask yourself, “What am I trying to teach my child, and what is the best way to teach them today?”
• Get Buy-In from Everyone – It is much easier to get children and teenagers to follow the rules when they feel like they had a role in creating them.  When children and adolescents participate in creating the rules and defining the consequences, they are more likely to feel like the rules are fair and equitable.

Use Consequences Instead of Yelling

A common mistake that parents make is that they try to “save” their kids from the consequences of their behavior.  Instead of giving the consequences, they only threaten to give the consequences.  Unfortunately, kids often ignore these threats which leads to increasing frustration for the parents.  As the frustration rises, many parents resort to “yelling” at their kids until they comply.  Over time many kids begin to ignore the yelling which only leads to more yelling.  A much better strategy is to replace the yelling with consequences.  If you allow your child to experience the consequences of their behavior, they will learn much more quickly and the mood of the home will be happier.

A Toolbox for Parents

• Be Purposeful About the Rules – In order to help your child develop the tools they need to thrive as an adult, it is important to create an environment that teaches skills, responsibilities, respect, and values.  To accomplish this, it is helpful to ask yourself the following questions: What is the purpose of this rule? What do I hope that my child will learn? Are there better ways to teach my child the same thing? Given our family dynamics, schedules, personalities, etc., will the rule get enforced or will it get dropped when things get hard?
• Act Don’t React – Be thoughtful and purposeful about your actions.  If your child or teenager is testing the limits, take some time to think through the issues and develop a plan of action that matches your goals for them.
• Cool Off If Needed – If things get heated, cool off rather than letting the situation escalate or get out of control.     
• Choose Your Battles Wisely – The older kids get the less power you have to make them do what you want.  Rather than battling over everything, focus on those areas that are most important.
• Be Selective About When You Give Consequences – Remember that you get to choose when you give consequences.  If your teenager refuses to give you their cell phone, you don’t have to physically take it from them.  You can always turn off the service later or add additional consequences if needed.  
• Be a Role Model – Show your child how you want them to act.  If you yell at them, you are simply teaching them to yell back.  
• Be Respectful – If you want your child to be respectful to you, show them how by being respectful to them.
• Be a Parent, Not a Friend – Your kid doesn’t need you to be their friend. They need you to guide them and help them prepare to be an adult.  
• Be Involved – One of the ways to show your child that you love them is to be interested and involved in their life.  

Parenting Teenagers

Teenagers create unique parenting challenges.  As they transition from childhood toward adulthood, they begin to test the boundaries around them in new ways.  During this time, teenagers begin to separate from their families and begin the process of defining who they are as a person.  Their friendships become increasingly important and they often begin to resist parental guidance.  They also frequently seek approval from their peers as they try to be “different” from their parents.  

Teenagers want independence, but still want parents to be available.  It is almost as though teens want parents to be “on call” just in case they need you.  Teenagers also want freedom, but still depend on their parents.  Many teens begin to feel like they “don’t need” their parents, yet in the same breath can ask you for money to buy new clothes.  

Parenting Strategies for Raising Teenagers     

Listed below are some useful strategies that can help you navigate the teenage years.

• Set limits that match their age and maturity. – Rules that made sense when a kid was 12 may no longer fit when a kid turns 17.  Teens need more freedom, but they also should have corresponding responsibilities.  The more responsible they are, the more freedom they should have.
• Always move in the direction of treating your teen as a young adult. – Remember that one of your primary jobs as a parent is to teach your teen to become self-sufficient.  If you do everything for them or don’t allow them to make their own mistakes, they will be unprepared to live independently.
• Give your teen opportunities to make their own decisions. – Encourage your teen to make their own decisions.  This doesn’t mean that you give them free rein to make any decision they want.  Instead, give them choices and let them decide for themselves.  It will help them develop self-confidence and learn to make better decisions in the future. 
• Let them learn from natural consequences. – Don’t try to overprotect your teen from the consequences of their behavior.  Instead of rescuing them, let them learn from their mistakes. Natural consequences are the best teacher.  
• Be aware of who your teenager is hanging out with. – Remember that peers are a huge influence on your teenager.  You can’t choose your teen’s friends, but you can limit how much access they have to them.  
• Trust but verify. – It is easier to trust your teen if you know that they are where they said they would be and doing what they said they would do.
• Look for teachable moments – Your teen is going to make mistakes.  When they do, use those mistakes as opportunities to teach them and help them grow.

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

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You might wonder if midlife is so secure and stable, how come people experience a midlife crisis? How could a period of calm induce a crisis? You might even be afraid that your spouse might be going through a midlife crisis. To help you figure this out, we first need to dissect this idea of midlife crisis.  

What is a Midlife Crisis?

In early adulthood, we are usually focused on what we must aim to achieve in the next 5 years. We routinely ask ourselves “Where do I see myself in the next 5 years?”

In midlife, the gears turn, and we have to reckon with our own mortality. We see old age approaching and think “How can I make the best of the healthy years I have left ahead of me?”. For most people, this is a difficult question to answer, because it feels like there is so much we want to do but now there is a looming deadline. We look both forward and back. We start recalibrating our long-held beliefs, and our fundamental assumptions and reinterpret our past experiences with new insights. We may start restructuring our identity and reorienting our behavior.

Causes of Midlife Crisis

Our identity is constructed through our status within our society and our relationship with others that surround us. We have certain roles to play, and these roles structure our anticipations and plans for the future. We have a mental calendar through which we judge whether life events and transitions are “on time”. A rupture occurs in our identity if we unexpectedly lose a role that we play or an important event occurs that we didn’t anticipate. This may be subtle, such as gaining weight, losing some of our vitality, developing age-related illnesses, and witnessing signs of aging such as wrinkles on our skin, or gray hair. 

There are deeper changes occurring as well: 

• Our job may not have turned out to be as rewarding or fulfilling as we had imagined. We may be facing career uncertainties as our employers downsize our structure. A change in the career or even the pace of the career – whether it becomes more demanding and challenging or becomes easier with less involvement and power – can make us feel ambushed and unprepared. 
• Our children may have left for college, and as they gain autonomy and become independent, we may find the loss of our role as a parent difficult to cope with. Since parenting is a demanding and involving job, parents tend to feel lonely and without direction, once the children move out. 
• Understanding our own mortality is also an emotionally taxing experience and it can be difficult to grapple with the fear of our demise.  
• Loss of a loved one, a divorce, or the disability our parents might experience due to old age can all exacerbate the feeling of disorientation and induce a kind of existential panic. These events can severely drain our emotional resources and can lead to grief that is hard to overcome. 

If your spouse has recently experienced any of these above events, they may be going through a midlife crisis. While these events can help map the contours of the crisis, there are also certain symptoms associated with a midlife crisis that you can look for. 

Symptoms of Midlife Crisis

• Decline in life satisfaction: A midlife crisis can make life feel inadequate. It can make one feel like the best years are behind you, and that growing older implies boredom. While this might not be factually true, if your spouse is going through a crisis they may perceive it to be so.
• Feelings of purposelessness: They may also be feeling that life has no purpose and that there is no clear direction ahead. It can manifest as a desire to quit the job or shut down the business, or as anxiety about the future and constant worrying. 
• Unwarranted self-doubt: Your spouse might be fraught with doubt even if they are excelling in their profession. They may start questioning their decisions, including decisions they took in the past. They might be obsessing over what life might have looked like if they had done this or that differently. 
• Dissatisfaction with relationships: The crisis can lead to emotional turmoil and the person may start isolating themselves. They may become less involved in family affairs, neglect their responsibilities, and in some cases, they may even start resenting their spouse and seek other potential partners. If your spouse has become distant for no apparent reason, it could be because they are experiencing a midlife crisis.
• Unusual concern about appearance: Midlife is a transition to old age. It is also a transition to more maturity, but for some people, it can feel like a loss of attractiveness. If someone’s self-esteem is tied to their good looks or how others perceive them, this phase may make them feel insecure. In such cases, people start obsessing over every little physical detail that they think is a sign of being “old”. This can manifest in many ways — plucking gray hair, spending too much time on grooming, suddenly buying a gym membership, or getting cosmetic treatments done.
• Persistent restlessness or fatigue: Excessive introspection or rumination can take a toll on one’s psyche. Anxiety about the future can make the person restless in their quest to find a direction or resolve their psychological discomfort. It could also deplete their energy and cause unusual fatigue that is not related to any health issues. As a result, they may feel overwhelmed with lethargy and have trouble performing their routine tasks.
• Dip in motivation: The crisis can lead a person to adopt a pessimistic outlook on life. As a result, they may lose interest in activities they used to enjoy. They may give up their hobbies and abandon their personal and professional ambitions. A drop in passion can lead them to turn down opportunities they had been eagerly awaiting for a long time. They may even repeatedly question the meaning of life and ponder other existential questions.
• Decline in sexual desire: The distress caused by the crisis can also strain the intimacy between a couple. Your spouse may turn down your initiations of physical intimacy, or they might seem uninterested during sex. They may also lose their romantic bent and not express their love and affection as often as they used to. 

How Can You Help?

If your spouse is going through a midlife crisis, you do not have to watch helplessly as they struggle. Actively supporting them through this difficult phase could play a key role in how they resolve their inner conflict. You can be their ally in many ways: 

• Listen without judgment: If your partner shares their distress with you, you should listen to them with an open mind and without judgment. You should provide them with reassurance and comfort and let them know that they can discuss anything with you. Initially, it may be a good idea to let them share their thoughts and worries without confronting them or offering them advice.  
• Discuss getting professional help: A midlife crisis can raise difficult questions and throw the mind into disarray. Your partner may be feeling lost and not know where to start. Therapy can help alleviate the distress and formulate a plan to tackle all the important questions in a strategic manner. A mental health professional can provide a safe space for honest discourse, allowing your partner to assess the situation in a calm and thoughtful way. Therapy can turn a midlife crisis into a midlife transition. 
• Share useful resources: Encourage your loved one to do things that they enjoy, and it may also be helpful for them to keep a journal where they record their thoughts and feelings. Remind them of the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead and encourage them to embrace new interests and experiences. Midlife can be a time of profound change, and your partner may want to adopt a lifestyle that is healthier – both mentally and physically. Empower their good choices and tread with them on their path to self-discovery. 

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post Is Your Spouse Having a Midlife Crisis? appeared first on MH Thrive.

The Challenges of Divorce

When this new reality is fully acknowledged and the rays of hope start to dim, the grief over the loss of the relationship and the anxiety about the uncertain future takes hold. Divorces are difficult not only because of the emotional anguish they cause, but also because they force you to reckon with the myriad changes that your life will undergo throughout, and even after, the divorce. This sudden whirlwind of chaos and dysfunction is extremely disorienting, even if the divorce itself may have been amicable. The drawn-out process of divorce – splitting up assets and personal belongings, terminating joint contracts, relocating, and finding work – piles up exhaustion on a mind that is already drained from all the emotional turmoil. 

Even after the legal and practical matters are taken care of, there still remains a new life to adjust to. Without a spouse, all the couple-related activities are gone; friends are forced to pick sides, and some just decide to leave; family members of the spouse that were previously very close may choose to withdraw because of the awkwardness. The ambiguity about what remains of the social network after the divorce can be deeply unsettling, causing a profound sense of loneliness, rejection, and embitterment. 

The future may seem bleak, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be. The pain you may be feeling cannot be denied, but this juncture in life also affords you an opportunity for change. You can use the autonomy to enrich your social life with new friends, pick up new hobbies or work-related skills, develop greater awareness of yourself, and do things that lead to personal growth. Change feels daunting, but moving on requires you to embrace it, chisel away the negativity, and architect a happier, richer future for yourself. 

Allow yourself to mourn

The breakdown of a marriage is a devastating experience. In order to heal, you must allow yourself to feel despair, anger, wretchedness, and all the other harrowing emotions. Hasting to move on will, in fact, keep you trapped in the darkness. You might feel overwhelmed initially, but the pain will ease over time. Process your emotions bit by bit and take your time. 

Seek support from loved ones

There will be times when you feel the need to vent your anger or find a shoulder to cry on. Close friends and family can be indispensable resources – they can listen to you with empathy, offer you emotional and practical support, and even help with day-to-day tasks. Remember that you do not have to deal with your struggles alone. 

Prioritize yourself

Divorce can shake your sense of identity and make you question if you’re the same person post-divorce. You can leverage this to build a new identity that is more aligned with your needs, desires, and preferences than your ex’s. This is a good time to evaluate your needs and goals, carve out a new routine, and establish new plans that will boost your personal growth. 

Take care of your health

When sadness comes knocking at your door, it is easy to give in and turn to alcohol or drugs to escape the heartache. Tempting as it may be, this is not a solution. To better process your emotions, you need to eat healthily, get enough sleep, and exercise. Good health will further boost your self-esteem and provide you the mental bandwidth to assess your situation objectively and approach life with optimism. 

Seek out new friends

After a divorce, it is not uncommon for mutual friends to pick one partner over the other. Some of your friendships might have broken, and the best way to fill that void is to find new friends. Socializing may seem tiring, but there are ways to get to know new people easily. You could choose to volunteer for a cause, take a class in an activity you enjoy, or simply invite a colleague to coffee. Socializing will help you beat loneliness and gain you some kind and interesting friends. 

Pick up new hobbies

When you’re married, your hobbies and interests can blend into your spouse’s. And you may have given up certain activities you enjoyed because your spouse disapproved of them or found them boring. Now that you have complete freedom to try out new things, you can cultivate hobbies and interests that make you happy. It can be something simple like cooking, something adventurous like rock climbing, or any creative avenue like painting, writing or even reading. Anything that promotes a sense of renewal and allows you to have fun and relax is a good choice. 

Travel to someplace new

The divorce process is extremely taxing, and getting used to the novelty of life after divorce can be tough. To take a break from the relentless stresses and upheavals the divorce causes, you could take a trip to someplace you always wanted to visit; even a short trip to a nearby city will do. You can go solo and unwind or invite your friends for a fun trip. Some distance from all the familiar places can also spark introspection along with the excitement of discovering a new place. 

Shed your old identity

When we’re in a relationship, we mold a certain identity that is integrated with our partners. Being single again can make us question who we are. After the divorce, you have the opportunity to cultivate your individual identity and nurture your unique attributes. The ideal way forward is to rediscover what makes you happy, what you excel at, and what you want your life to mean. This will propel you to do more of what you value and envision a future that makes you proud of yourself. 

Give romance another shot

Once you feel free of the clutches of your past relationship and reach a state of acceptance and emotional stability, it might be a good idea to explore the dating landscape again. You need not look for deep and intense relationships right off the bat, nor would it be wise. But a thoughtful and caring companion can lift up your spirits and revive your hope in romantic relationships. 

While our past experiences invariably shape us and govern our behavior in the future, we have it within us to let go of negative experiences, learn from our past mistakes, and approach the future with wisdom and hope. 

Seeking Professional Help

Divorce is an unbearably difficult experience to go through, and the transition to life after divorce can be extremely intimidating. If you are experiencing deep and pervasive grief, anger, or feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or hopelessness, a mental health professional could help you learn how to process and cope with difficult emotions. A therapist can provide compassionate guidance and a safe space for you to express your worries and anxieties without being judged. Therapy can help you process your emotions in a constructive way. The mental health professional can also gauge if you could benefit from medication and refer you to a psychiatrist if required.

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post How to Build a Life After Divorce appeared first on MH Thrive.

Research has shown that the majority of divorced couples never attempted marriage therapy. When asked for their reasoning, most were quoted as saying that it was simply too late. Reaching out to a non-biased, professionally trained therapist can often be the difference between progressing in your marriage and staying stagnant or even divorcing. It can be difficult to know when it is time to seek marriage therapy officially. Though the answer to this may vary slightly from couple to couple, there are seven research-backed challenges that will likely need outside guidance to solve. 

Circling Back To The Same Issue

One of the most prevalent marital issues couples experience is the regurgitation of prior fights that simply do not seem to go away. Whether it’s days, weeks, or months, the underlying problems continue to be brought up in various ways without a solution. It can feel like you are both completely gridlocked on the issue. This can be a result of past trauma in a prior relationship, childhood, or even experiences within the current relationship.  

If you have tried a variety of different ways to handle the issue, it may be time for a professional to step in. Problem-solving processes are unique to individual people, and, as a result, they do not always align with others. This can create a much larger issue if it is not confronted and strategically solved. A licensed marriage counselor can guide you to a place of mutual understanding and can help you develop solutions that work for you both.  

Perceived Lack Of Support

Often, couples may feel that their spouse is not providing them with the support they need. When this happens, over an extended period of time, resentment can begin to build up. This can lead to explosive fights over smaller-scale issues and can create an unhealthy environment, which is especially damaging if children are involved.  

Feeling supported is an essential aspect of a healthy marriage. Even if you feel that you are providing sufficient support, your spouse may not feel the same. Some couples have difficulties approaching topics such as this for a variety of reasons. Past experiences can have a significant influence on the way that people communicate. Fortunately, marriage counselors are specialized in teaching effective communication skills. Even if it feels unnatural at first, with practice, communicating your needs can become dramatically easier. 

Daily Fighting

Regardless of the severity, daily fighting can be draining for mental and physical health. In most cases, arguing causes a spike in cortisol that has negative impacts on overall well-being. If this is occurring on a daily basis, the toll on health can be great.  

Additionally, if there are children residing in the home, they will be impacted by unhealthy and negative forms of communication. In adults that grew up in a dysfunctional household, constant chaos is their baseline, and they may subconsciously bring their old dysfunctional patterns into their current relationship.   

The inability to resolve conflicts can destroy a relationship. Seeking counseling is imperative if this is the case in your marriage. You and your partner will need to work towards creating calm and productive communication habits rather than being explosive and counterproductive.  

Unfaithful Behavior

Experiencing infidelity within a marriage can have lasting impacts that influence every aspect of the relationship. Recovering from the broken trust can be extremely challenging, especially for those that have been deceived in the past by parents or other trusted adults. The implications for the spouse on the receiving end of the infidelity range from increased stress and anxiety to low confidence and depression.  

Spouses begin to question their own self-worth, which can have draining effects on their partners. The newly developed need for reassurance is not a healthy result of the action and is another important aspect to solve. A professional can help you heal from the pain that comes from infidelity. A therapist can also help you understand the causes of infidelity and help you develop healthy ways of creating intimacy. Many marriages are able to be repaired following unfaithful behavior, but professional intervention is often vital for continued success. 

Lack Of Intimacy

Intimacy within a marriage is an important aspect that can be dramatically undervalued. Partners that report high levels of intimacy exhibit significant levels of comfort around their spouse, clear communication, and physical connection. A study done on couples that were approaching the point of divorce showed that increasing their frequency of intimacy increased their marital satisfaction overall.  

Intimacy can occur on many levels, including emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Some of the ways that spouses can increase intimacy include, holding hands, hugging, resolving conflicts, spending meaningful time together, and having vulnerable conversations. The true definition of intimacy refers to the closeness between spouses. This increase has been shown to create a stronger bond between partners and increase relationship resiliency overall. 

Ideological Differences

If significant topics are not discussed prior to getting married, they are likely to pop up later down the line. When this happens, the realization that you are not on the same page can be incredibly stressful. In some cases, viewpoints may have started out in line with one another and shifted as time progressed. This can cause friction as well, especially for those that are resistant to change.  

Important topics like child-rearing, finances, religion, and politics have the ability to damage a marriage significantly. Disagreements can turn into regular fighting that dissolves the bond necessary for a healthy, flourishing marriage. In a highly functioning marriage, spouses report feeling like they are on the same team. When large-scale topics are not agreed upon, it can be difficult to achieve this feeling. 

Counseling can guide you as you attempt to compromise or accept each other’s differences in a positive way. Not seeing eye to eye is difficult, but it is fixable with proper interventions. 

Repeated Lying Is Occurring

Deceit in any form can cause a rift in a marriage. Repeated deceit presents even greater challenges that will likely require professional help to solve. When one partner is lied to, they may begin to question everything in the relationship. This can turn into resentment, jealousy, anger, and a feeling of betrayal.  

Ultimately, a healthy relationship should feel safe and secure. This is vital for the mental health and well-being of both spouses. While trust takes time and effort to be rebuilt, it is possible when the correct steps are taken. A counselor can help you process the deceitful experience and guide you as you begin to form a trusted bond once more. 

Seeking marriage counseling is a wise choice for couples experiencing any of the above challenges. If you feel that your relationship is suffering in some capacity, it is important to reach out for professional help. While solving problems together is the goal, it may take intentional work with a counselor to get to that point. Ultimately, it is never too early to begin marriage counseling, so don’t wait until it is too late. 

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post When is it Time to Seek Marriage Counseling?  appeared first on MH Thrive.

Some of the most common issues that contribute to marriages failing are: 

Inability to Resolve Conflicts

One of the most common reasons that marriages fail is the inability of the couple to successfully resolve conflicts.  Unresolved conflicts build up over time and create a wall of resentment.  Instead of listening and trying to understand to each other, each person gets dug into their side of the argument.  As a result, the couple often finds themselves in the same argument they have been in a thousand times before.  When the argument ends, each person often feels completely misunderstood and further convinced that they are right and thus justified in their anger. As a result, the walls just get higher and higher.  It is hard to have intimacy with someone who is completely walled off from you. 

Poor Communication Skills

It is hard to resolve conflicts without effective communication strategies.  Many people think that if they yell louder or push their points more forcefully that it will finally get through to their spouse.  Instead, it often does the opposite.  Imagine someone unexpectedly banging on your front door.  Do you rush to open it, or do you lock the door to ensure that an intruder doesn’t get it?  If we feel attacked or unsafe, we tend to pull back to protect ourselves.  Yelling at each other never makes anyone feel safer and more open to each other.  Alternatively, some couples tend to fight in silence.  The angrier they get the more they withdraw and withhold.  Both of these communication strategies can begin to create the conditions for a failed marriage. 

Infidelity

Infidelity and affairs can obviously lead to the demise of a relationship.  However, what most couples don’t realize is that many affairs are the result of a lack of emotional intimacy within the marriage.  When a person begins to feel completely alone and disconnected from their spouse, they often start to think that they don’t have anything left to lose.  An affair becomes a short step when the friendship, communication, and loving connection in the marriage has deteriorated.  As a result, affairs are often the symptom of the underlying problems in the relationship.  However, there are some instances where affairs occur for other reasons, such as sexual addiction, sexual identity issues, or a general lack of commitment to the marriage.   

Mistrust

Sometimes mistrust occurs because of baggage from old relationships or from family of origin issues.  If you feel like everyone always leaves you, then it often feels appropriate to believe that your current partner will also leave you.  The thought often becomes, “How do you trust someone when you couldn’t even trust your own parents?”, or “My last spouse cheated on me and so I know that you will too.”  Unfortunately, this general mistrust can end up creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The mistrust and accusations can begin to create resentments, which can lead your partner to emotionally withdraw from the relationship.  The more that they withdraw, the more that you feel justified in your mistrust, which leads to more withdrawal.  

Alcoholism and Substance Abuse

Alcohol and drug abuse can have a profound impact on a marriage.  It is hard to feel emotionally intimate with someone who is drunk or high all of the time.  In fact, it is not uncommon to feel like your spouse is having an affair (with alcohol or drugs) when they are active in their addiction. Suppose feels like they would rather spend time with the alcohol than spend time with you.  It becomes very difficult to create or maintain emotional intimacy because the alcoholic or addict tends to spend increasing amounts of time either using, recovering from their use, or preparing for the subsequent use.  Obviously, this can create a great deal of anger and resentment which can further erode the connection to the marriage.  

Other Addictions

Gambling addictions, porn addictions, and sexual addictions can also destroy the trust within a marriage.  Addicts tend to lie in order to cover up their behavior and protect their access to continuing the behavior.  The more they lie and the more unreliable they become, the more it erodes the emotional bonds within the marriage.  If left untreated, addictions can lead to the demise of even the strongest marriages. 

Unresolved Issues from the past

Unresolved trauma, grief, betrayals, abuse, abandonment, or other issues from the past can create barriers to emotional intimacy.  The more painful the past, the more potential it has to impact your current relationships.  Small arguments can become huge arguments because the feelings from the past can get mixed in with current feelings during an argument.  It can become difficult to resolve arguments when you don’t know why the feelings are so intense.  Fortunately, therapy can help you deal with the baggage from the past so that it doesn’t invade your current marriage. 

Finances

The inability to successfully navigate financial issues can create significant problems within a marriage.  Money represents a lot of things to people.  For example, for some people, money represents security, while for others it represents freedom.  Since couples typically have a limited amount of money, they have to learn to communicate effectively about money.  The fewer couples agree about finances the more stress it tends to place on the marriage.   

Inability to manage anger

Everyone gets angry sometimes, especially in relationships.  However, if anger is expressed in unhealthy ways, it can begin to destroy a marriage.  The more a person feels attacked, threatened, or hurt, the more they tend to withdraw in order to protect themselves.  On the other hand, some people who feel attacked, simply attack back.  This tends to create an ever-increasing amount of intense volatile arguments.  The more volatile the arguments become, the more it puts the marriage at risk. 

Disagreements about parenting

A lot of conflicts can get created when couples disagree about the best way to parent children.  These disagreements can lead to long-term resentments which can escalate over time, especially when children become teenagers.  Kids often feel the tension between their parents and then tend to act out in ways that heighten the tension.  The greater the tension, the more stress that it puts on the marriage.   

Blended family issues

Blended families experience unique stressors.  Some of these stressors include changing expectations, conflicts with ex-spouses, unclear rules about how non-biological children get parented, struggles to blend finances, new rules about chores and responsibilities, and how to create time to be a couple.  If not successfully resolved, these stressors can make it difficult to maintain emotional intimacy. 

Extended family issues

Extended families can create a lot of stress on a marriage.  For example, historical expectations about how holidays are spent can lead to conflicts.  What do you do if your spouse wants one thing, and your family of origin expects something else?  In addition, what if your spouse and your family don’t like each other?  Just because you love your spouse, doesn’t mean your family will feel the same way.  This can obviously create a lot of tension in the marriage and if not successfully managed can lead to problems within the marriage. 

Conflicts about sex

Arguments about sex are not unusual in a relationship.  How these arguments get resolved matters.  If left unresolved, arguments about sex can lead to resentment and feelings of being unloved and unwanted.  

Abuse

Physical, emotional, sexual, and financial abuse can all threaten a marriage.  If you are in an abusive relationship, it is important to get help.  Healthy relationships don’t’ tolerate abuse.  So, don’t learn to tolerate the intolerable.   

Marriage Therapy Can Help!

If your marriage is struggling, marriage therapy can help.  As a couple, you can acquire the skills to resolve conflicts and communicate effectively.

We Can Help!

MHThrive provides Individual Therapy, Couples and Marriage Counseling, and Family Therapy at our locations in Katy, The Woodlands, and the Clear Lake area of Houston, Texas. We also provide telehealth therapy for anyone who resides within the State of Texas. To schedule an appointment with one of the MHThrive therapists, contact us at 713-477-0333 or visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more.

If you or someone you know is experiencing any mental health or substance abuse issues, New Dimensions can help. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you overcome these challenges and help you develop the skills you need to thrive. To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

Online Treatment Programs provides Teletherapy Partial Hospitalization and Intensive Outpatient Programs allowing participants to receive intensive therapy with our licensed therapists and psychiatrists without having to leave home.  If you or someone you know is struggling to overcome depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, trauma, panic attacks, PTSD, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other mental health or addiction issues, we can help.  To schedule a complementary assessment or to find out more about our teletherapy programs, contact us at 1-800-685-9796.

The post Why Do Marriages Fail? appeared first on MH Thrive.