Being codependent can make life difficult. But if you’re willing to put in the effort, you can take back control of your life. Codependent relationships usually develop over time and often involve both people depending on each other emotionally, not just one person giving and the other taking. Sometimes, both people are codependent, or one person may unintentionally encourage the other’s dependence.
What Are the Signs of Codependency?
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), codependency is a mental and emotional reliance on another person, especially someone dealing with addiction or dysfunction (APA Dictionary of Psychology, n.d.). This kind of relationship often includes:
- Low self-esteem
- Constantly trying to please others
- Difficulty setting personal boundaries
- Overreacting emotionally
- Putting others’ needs before your own
- Extreme self-control
- Trouble communicating clearly
- Denying there’s a problem
- Obsessive thoughts or behavior
- Struggles with intimacy
- A strong need to be liked by others
If these traits sound familiar, you may be codependent—or in a codependent relationship. But the good news is, you can learn how to change that.
How to Stop Being Codependent
Overcoming codependency isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. You’ll feel more confident and build healthier, more balanced relationships.
- Be Honest with Yourself The first step is to admit there’s a problem. That takes courage. You also need to be open with the other person involved, whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member. If both of you are codependent, you’ll need to work on this together. If only you are, it’s still important to talk openly about how you’ve been feeling and what changes you want to make.
- Learn to Let Go Codependent people often feel deeply affected by things others might see as minor. That’s okay—your feelings are valid. But learning to step back and reflect before reacting can help you stay calm and think more clearly. Acknowledge your emotions, but don’t let them take over. This can lead to more meaningful conversations rather than arguments.
- Lean on Supportive Friends Usually, it’s best to keep friends out of personal relationship issues. But if you’re trying to break codependent patterns, having a good friend as a support system can really help. Choose someone who encourages you and lifts you up—not someone who criticizes or shames you if you stumble.
- Set Healthy Boundaries Setting boundaries means deciding what behaviors you will and won’t accept. If your partner struggles with addiction, it might mean saying no to enabling behavior. If you both have codependent tendencies, it could mean protecting your emotional space. Boundaries are personal—you decide what’s right for you, and it’s okay to add more as you grow.
- Consider Taking a Break Sometimes, stepping away from a codependent relationship—either temporarily or permanently—can give you the space you need to heal. A break allows you to focus on your own growth without constantly reacting to someone else’s needs or emotions. If you return to the relationship later, it should be on new terms where both people are healthier and more independent.
- Get Counseling Therapy is a great tool for understanding your thoughts and emotions better. A counselor can teach you how to be honest with yourself, manage your emotions, and set stronger boundaries. They can also give you helpful exercises and techniques to guide your healing journey (Beattie, 1987).
Final Thoughts
Codependency is hard to live with—but it’s also hard to break. Still, taking back control of your life and building healthier habits is one of the most empowering things you can do. You deserve relationships where you feel respected, confident, and free to be yourself.
New Dimensions Can Help
New Dimensions provides Intensive Outpatient Treatment Programs (IOP) and Partial Hospitalization (PHP) for adolescents and adults who are struggling with mental health or substance abuse issues. If you are struggling, we can help you get back on track. We have both in-person and virtual online treatment options. To learn more, call us: 800-685-9796 or visit our website at www.nddtreatment.com. You can also visit www.mhthrive.com to learn more about individual, couples, or family therapy treatment options.
References
- American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Codependence. APA Dictionary of Psychology. https://dictionary.apa.org/codependence
- Beattie, M. (1987). Codependent no more: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself. Hazelden.