Self-sabotage is a common and often misunderstood pattern of behavior. It’s not a sign of weakness, laziness, or lack of willpower. Rather, it often stems from deep-rooted fear, trauma, or a misguided attempt to maintain a sense of control (Hibbard, 2020). These behaviors can manifest in various ways—procrastination, self-criticism, overworking, or even avoiding help—and can interfere with our relationships, careers, and health.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hold you back from achieving your goals and living your best life. These actions may feel protective in the short term but ultimately reinforce negative beliefs and prevent growth (Nelson, 2016). At its core, self-sabotage is a coping mechanism—a way to avoid vulnerability, discomfort, or perceived failure.
Instead of blaming yourself, it’s essential to acknowledge that these behaviors may have once served a protective function. Now, it’s time to unlearn them and adopt healthier alternatives.
Common Signs of Self-Sabotage
- Unrealistically high expectations of yourself
- Excessive self-criticism
- Chronic procrastination
- Persistent disorganization
- Low self-esteem or imposter syndrome
- Avoiding boundaries or overcommitting
- Feelings of burnout and exhaustion
- Engaging in perfectionism or overthinking
How You Might Be Self-Sabotaging
- In Relationships You might settle for unhealthy dynamics to avoid being alone or start unnecessary conflict out of fear of intimacy. Constant self-doubt and criticism may cause you to shut people out or withdraw before giving them a chance.
- In Your Career Self-sabotage at work may involve taking on too many projects, failing to advocate for yourself, or avoiding necessary rest. You may also set unattainable standards or avoid financial responsibility, which compounds stress and limits progress (Sarkis, 2015).
- In Your Health Neglecting your mental, emotional, or physical health is a major form of self-sabotage. This might include emotional eating, skipping medical appointments, avoiding medication, or ignoring the signs your body is giving you. Poor sleep, substance misuse, and denying your needs are also common indicators.
Four Steps to Overcome Self-Sabotage
1. Become Aware of the Pattern
Self-awareness is the foundation for change. Identify the areas where self-sabotage shows up in your life and note any triggers or recurring themes (Clear, 2018). Ask yourself:
- What am I afraid of?
- What am I trying to protect myself from?
- What belief is driving this behavior?
2. Challenge Negative Thoughts
Most self-sabotage starts with internal narratives. Begin to question the validity of your thoughts. Are they true, or are they rooted in fear? Reframing these beliefs can help you interrupt destructive cycles.
Examples of helpful reflection questions:
- Is this thought helpful or harmful?
- What would I say to a friend who felt this way?
- What small step can I take instead?
3. Reinforce New Habits
Once you identify the behavior and thought patterns, replace them with intentional habits. Use affirmations and visualization techniques to imagine a version of yourself who acts out of confidence, not fear (Brown, 2018). Repeat these actions consistently, even when it’s difficult.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Changing deep-rooted patterns takes time and patience. You may revert to old habits, and that’s okay. Each moment of awareness is an opportunity to try again. Approach setbacks with curiosity instead of judgment and celebrate small wins.
Final Thoughts
Self-sabotage is not a personal flaw, but a set of coping behaviors developed over time. By practicing awareness, challenging old beliefs, and reinforcing new patterns with compassion, lasting change is possible. If you find yourself stuck, working with a therapist can offer the tools and guidance needed to move forward.
New Dimensions Can Help!
If you or someone you know struggles with self-sabotage, New Dimensions can help. We help you develop the coping skills you need to face life’s challenges. Our team of experienced therapists and psychiatrists can help you develop the skills you need to overcome self-sabotage and thrive.
New Dimensions is conveniently located in The Woodlands, Katy, and the Clear Lake areas of Houston. We also provide telehealth therapy for adults who reside within the State of Texas. To schedule a complementary assessment, call us at 800-685-9796 or visit www.nddtreatment.com.
MHThrive provides individual, couples, and family therapy. To learn more about getting a therapist, visit our website: https://mhthrive.com/ or call 713-477-0333.
References
- Brown, B. (2018). Dare to lead: Brave work. Tough conversations. Whole hearts. Random House.
- Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery.
- Hibbard, S. (2020). The psychology of self-sabotage. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psych-unseen/202002/the-psychology-self-sabotage
- Nelson, D. R. (2016). Why we self-sabotage and how to stop. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-we-self-sabotage-and-how-to-stop
- Sarkis, S. (2015). 10 simple solutions to adult ADD: How to overcome chronic distraction & accomplish your goals. New Harbinger Publications.